Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
