don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
