I need to stop coming to work sober
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
