I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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