Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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