So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
