Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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