So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
