Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
