So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
