i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
