i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
