I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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