mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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