I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
