I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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