I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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