The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
