there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
