we have pet lesbian snakes
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I lost the right to judge tonight
I love you. Go after that dick
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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