my phone needs a breathalizer
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
