Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
