So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
