Tell her she can't have a vagina
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
