and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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