Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
