I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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