I am in a vortex of obligation.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
