He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
