i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
