ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
