let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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