if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Vodka?
Forever.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
