You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
