Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
