I wish my penis had an off switch
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
