FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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