Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
