well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
