Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
