Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
