I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
