You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
