all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
