the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
