Your tits are I can't wait for
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
