Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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