3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
