Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
