currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
