We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
