Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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