When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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