whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
