the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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