How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
