Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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