so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just tell him i said nine months
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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