Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
