He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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