based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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