You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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