I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
