I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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