my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
