i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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