sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
