Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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