A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
