You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
