Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
