You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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