He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
