yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
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Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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