You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
