She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
